river of dreams

Thursday, September 20, 2007

resume


Also funny...

REAL-LIFE RESUME BLUNDERS

by Toni Bowers
June 6th, 2007
techrepublic.com

How bad of a mistake you can make on your resume? Here are some real life examples from Dribbleglass.com:

- I am very detail-oreinted.
- My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
- Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
- Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
- It's best for employers that i not work with people.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
- I am a quick learner, dependable, and motivated.
- If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
- My fortune cookie said, "your next interview will result in a job". And I like your company in particular.
- I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
- Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
- Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
- Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
- Reason for leaving last job: the owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
- Previous experience: self-employed-a fiasco.
- Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
- Experience: watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years.
- I am a rabid typist.
- I have a bachelorette degree in computers.
- Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.
- Strengths: ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
- I worked as a Corporate Lesion.
- Reason for leaving last job: pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.
- Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.
- Objective: to have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
Special skills: thyping.
- My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
- I can play well with others.
- Personal goal: to hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law.
- Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days.
- Experience: provided correct answers to customers' questions.
- Education: graduated from predatory school with honors.
- Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
- I have happily been a kept manager for the last 10 years.
- Have extensive experience in turkey manufacturs as well as new product development and implementation.
- I am accustomed to speaking in front of all kinds of audiences. I make points as well as I can.
- Personal: five children. Dog: Jasper. Cat: Morris. Gerbil: Binky.
- While in military, was instrumental in creation of a treat detection system.
- My compesation package at my last job included a base salary of $64,500 with excellent benefits including flextime. I am looking for a position in which I can work a more flexible schedule.
- Hire me and you won't regret it-I am funny, cute, smart and creative, really.
- Referees available upon request.
- Previous rank: senior instigator.
- I have recently sold my home and now I live in a large RV so I will be able to relocate quickly.
- Reason for leaving: they stopped paying me.
- Cover letter: desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgement, which are so hard to find these days.
- Personal achievements: successfully played Chop Sticks on a toy piano with my big toes.
- Objective: to obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication.
- Strengths: impersonal skills.
- Special interests: I like any projects that are fun.
- Please explain any breaks in your employment career: 15 minute coffee break while working at home improvement store.
- Vocational plans: Sea World.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Bali


Finally, I experienced the beauty of Bali for myself. I went there with three female friends on September 2-6, 2007. My birthday was on 31 August, so it was like a birthday present for me, coming from myself :p

Bali is definitely beautiful. Although the heat got my skin so brown, I hardly complained. I loved walking the streets of Kuta, Legian, and Seminyak. The shops makes you wanna go in and buy something, even though you know you don't need it. But thank God, because of the size of my wallet, I think I've done a pretty good job controlling my shopaholic-wanna be instinct.

For that five days, me and my friend (Rahma) succeed watching different sunset. Day one, it's Kuta Beach. And the days after that was Jimbaran, Uluwatu (while enjoying Kecak dance), Dreamland, and Legian Beach. From all of the beach we went to, I must say Dreamland is my favourite. It's not as crowd as Kuta, the sands are so white and clean, the tide is high, and the sea is just... beautiful. A lot of tourists go there to surf.

Hmm, what else? I also experienced the thrill of riding banana boat and flew with parasailing. I went to see Tanah Lot, Bedugul, Taman Ayun, GWK, Kintamani, Nusa Dua, Ubud, Sukawati market, and other must-go places for tourists. For you who want to experienced Bali too, I think five days is the perfect amount of time to go here and there. But I recommend walking the Kuta, Legian, and Seminyak streets at night or at least after 4 pm, because the weather is much friendly and the lights from the shops and restaurants made them look much more interesting.