So Sorry...

I met an old friend of mine. We got kind of close when we were on the same SPMB's (it's the national test that you must go through in order to get in your favorite college) preparation team. He's not from the same institute like mine, by the way. So the only chance I get to see him was those times working together.

After a while, I begin to like him a lot. He's lovable. Good looks, white skin (he's Sundanese), not so tall but got a good sense of humor. He teased me a lot, so I knew he was paying a lot of attention towards me too. If I was single, I'm 99 percent sure that we would be more than just friends.

But, I'm not single at the time.

I didn't tell him earlier, because... well, I'm being selfish I guess. I didn't want to lose his affection. And he never really asked me about my status, so I thought I ought to keep it to myself until the right time arrives.

But, there was never a right time. He found out, I don't know how or when exactly, but he found out. He never called me again and acted differently when we were together. I felt that he was kind of angry and sad and disappointed all at the same time. He never looked at me the same way again.

I thought I should explain myself to him, why I hid the truth, tried to make him understand, but my friends said I shouldn't. Well, I didn't blame them. 'Cause I also think he didn't deserve the truth at that time because he did something terrible to me. Something unforgiven.

So I ditch him from that little space in my heart.

But I saw him the other day. And he looked no different than when I last saw him... what? Five years ago? He saw me first and he yelled my name. So maybe he didn't mad at me anymore. Or maybe he just curious to see my appearance that have quite changed since that five-long-years.

Anyway, we talked a little. He was with two friends, and I was with my boyfriend. I felt that he looked at me too hard. Like he couldn't believe it was me. Or maybe it's only my imagination.

Too bad I didn't have the chance to tell him what I wanted to tell him a few years ago. And we didn't share our numbers either. I'm not looking for forgiveness. I just want him to know the truth. That I never wanted to broke his heart.